It went really well.
I was hoping the woman would be really easy to talk to. I mean, I suppose to have a job where you're talking to people who are seriously depressed or seriously mentally ill, you'd have to have a sympathetic nature and telephone manner - and hers was perfect, not patronising or hurried or made me feel like I'd said anything shocking or stupid. She was very good at her job.
I found it easy to talk to her, and I found myself really enjoying suddenly having somebody interested (even if only for professional reasons) in my problems. It felt really nice. It must feel like that to have friends I suppose! I told her all about my history of SAD - getting diagnosed at 16. Feeling good for a bit after CBT and then relapsing after having Charlie and moving to Newcastle.
Talking about how this disorder affects Charlie did upset me, but made me feel even more determined to get myself sorted out. He deserves a happy, confident mammy. And I think I might deserve it for myself too.
I'll be contacted in a few days with my first new CBT appointment. I'll be having once-a-week treatment for six weeks.
My first aim is to be able to take Charlie out when Chris is at work and not be afraid of strangers talking to me.
It seems like a blurred,, distant fantasy now, but I'd love to be able to be pregnant by the end of this year.. I'd love to be able to give Charlie a brother or sister, so they can play together, support each other. I'm broody 24/7 at the moment!
Then I'd love to take a fostering course and give a loving care and comfortable home to children who desperately need it. But that's a long, long way off right now.